Waterboy

I have always admired those people who can just get on with dreaming…

Whilst i have spent much of my life mired down in uninspired apathy, there have been plenty people around me who have somehow known how to do Something with their lives.

In my teen years, these people were, for the most part, the ones who played sport at school and/or had hobbies, and/or joined clubs and then became the chairperson.  They got along with people and constantly  generated stuff (relationships, productivity, admirably great vibes) around themselves, leaving others to make voodoo dolls in their likeness out of the greenest of envy.

Whilst they were Hare-On-Redbull, I was Less-Than-Tortoise:  one foot stretched out in the general direction of forward (the concept to move being present) but with neck turned slightly to the side as i munched on whatever around me was worth munching.

It probably has much to do with personality- i find energy from being alone, doing Jean things, whilst they seem to find it through their interactions with the world.  I find the world an intimidating place- for them its their playground: a place to make an impression.  The worlds material are theirs to mold to their use.  I dont know what to do with these if i find myself with them in my hands!  Pretty much like a hot potatoe, i feel comfortable passing them along…

There is a lady I know who dreams as she goes.  Mid conversation or step a new concept will alight itself upon her creative mind and she will roll with it.  It often looks like chaos as it unfolds, but, flip, the outcome is inspiring!

As i reflect on these enviable types, i note that my type often disqualify themselves from the Great Game and opt to sit on the sidelines, munching popcorn & offering the Team water and refreshment as they need it.  We dont believe in our own game.  Or we believe we need to play the same game as others do- and cannot quite seem to be able to do so.

But there is a verse in the bible that is ringing truer in my ear the older and more frustrated I become : “My people perish from lack of vision”.

This verse refers to mankind’s need, in general, to have purpose and meaning in life.  If we cannot see hope up ahead, we run aground and wither away under a killing sun (sorry, i have a flair for the dramatic).

I am a meaning Junkie- the smallest moments are picked apart for significance and i often find myself battling waters of depression in a small boat because not all moments ARE significant.

This is because i am the frikken waterboy! With no game of my own to play.  And what’s more, I often lose touch with the Coach who, if checked in with, would actually be pointing at a field that i have freedom to frolick in as creatively and inspiringly as i like.  He stands at its sidelines, encouraging me to Get On With It.

There are no ‘dudds’ on planet earth.  No one who, when birthed, God looked down upon and thought, “Shucks, i wonder what to do with THIS one…?!”  No one who was born without the ability to Dream and realise these dreams.

No, life and circumstance has made us Waterboys.  Poor self esteem.  A lack of belief in ourselves.  A lack of belief in the Goodness of God.  All the above and plenty more can be attributed to our self chosen Waterboy status.

After my EX ex dumped me and I realised I had become a tag along, after a long life of prior tagging-along, God whispered in my ear, “I will not let you build your dreams on the life of another.”  Pretty profound stuff for a tag along, i tell you!  Pretty hard to believe too!

I do not think that this statement is limited to me alone.

God has placed something inside each one of us that we have every right to pursue. It’s not STUPID, whatever you or i have in our Dream Box.  Its not UNATTAINABLE either.   Someone told me this yesterday as i clung to my tiny boat again.

Im choosing to believe!

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