My 6 Festive Season Questions

Life the Beastie. Yup, we are back to that analogy again.

Except this time I’m in the saddle, as apposed to hanging on by one ankle. I am gripping hard with both knees and am holding a slab of chocolate in one hand and a glass of red merlot in the other whilst im at it. If this thing is going to toss and shake so, I might as well start learning to ignore it a bit and enjoy some simple pleasures 😉

With December looming ahead I have to ask myself and my people a few important questions:

• Why, oh family, do you insist on living on completely different continents (West Indies, UK, Mainland China), leaving me to scrounge around for alternative Christmas plans each year like the truest of 3rd to 7th wheel ‘shluffs’?!

We would probably get on each others last nerve if you were home- but at least the nerves would genetically match with mine and we could tell each other to sod off nicely… The news flash, parental is that it is I who is meant to abandon you on SA soil in some retirement village whilst I live life large and send you US Dollars over Christmas- not the other way around! (cough: note ‘send US Dollars…) 😉

• Why, oh Festive Season, do you have to be the season where one must gnaw off ones own arm and hole up behind closed doors to stave off any silliness that so temptingly abounds due to large numbers of people finding themselves magnetically drawn to each other out of Festival Aloneness?! (Don’t do it peeps!)

• Why, oh flea, do you have to insist on making my carpet your home?!

• Why, oh tonic water, do you not come in 5l bottles?

• Why, oh bedroom light cover thingy do I always forget to clean you? (she squints through the dimness it affords towards the general direction of her laptop screen)

• Why oh why, Mr. Darcy are you not real and around to sulk with and eat my blue soup?!

These are my (characteristic) Festive Season musings. What have you?


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