How to Survive Being an Older Single Female at Social Events

The following are some suggestions on ‘How to Survive Being an Older Single Lady at Social Events’:

1.)    Never be on time, especially if going to a married couple’s house for a social event.  Married couples (hosting or attending) are rarely are on time themselves.  If you do arrive early, you will inevitably be the first to arrive (possibly by a good hour or so).  Which is just awkward.  Even at the best of times…

2.)     Be prepared to experience further awkward moments sporadically throughout the evening – over where the hang to sit at the table so as not to split up couples, or where to be when everyone else of your gender is changing poo nappies, feeding children, putting them to sleep, or leaning comfortably against a significant other.

3.)    Talk about the children you would like to have one day as much as those who have children are doing so.  Give your ‘children’ names and funny quirks.   Do some thorough research on schooling opportunities so that you can provide an educated opinion when the topic comes up.

4.)    (If you don’t feel comfortable with suggestion 3, then do what singles normally do – ask incessant questions about those children present and accounted for throughout the course of the evening, or dialogue directly with said children, even if you have to field developmental questions about genitals and which particular set you might have…)

5.)    Bring a very strong drink with you.

6.)    Practise glaring down all remarks about being the feminist single in the group who is not ‘faffing’ in the kitchen (you have done the math and there are already X number of women ‘faffing’ in said kitchen and X number of clever gents sitting on their asses culturally ignoring all of it…what would you do?) and therefore clearly to blame for your single status.

7.)    Find the other single in the room (if you are lucky enough not to be alone) and cling to each other like shipwrecked people holding out for imminent rescue, but not too closely unless anyone gets any ideas.

8.)    Better yet, divert the conversation towards that singles woes and relational shortcomings.  It’s cruel, but so is much of life.

9.)    Go home alone, feed your dog, climb into bed and savour the reality of a night of blissfully uninterrupted sleep ahead of you J

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6 thoughts on “How to Survive Being an Older Single Female at Social Events

  1. good to see you constructively working thru ur singleness Jean .. no need to delve into another session of Living Waters 😉
    Am still keen for that breakfast – i promise i will come alone as tho single myself and we can discuss the pros and cons of relationships and the awkward days before Greg … yes, i too was once single :-p
    xx

  2. My loveliest Jeanie,
    You are very funny indeed. The gras sis not always greener on the the other side, I can assure you of that.
    A husband and kids bring with them a whole new element that, once we have, most of us would pay good money for an extended holiday from.
    Give me back the days when the only clothes I had to worry about were my own. The days when I didn’t have to apply industrial bleach to my bath to remove the Martin-scum from the rim.
    The days when sleep was indeed my own and I was not forced to deal with a biligerent 4 year old who thinks that batrtering for Kit-kats at 4 in the morning is either wise or indeed within her best interests.
    Days when I could loaf around in my knickers all day and eat ice cream out of the tub without having to share it with all said family present. And certainly without comment on state of my old faithful undies from husband. This from a man who for 12 hours of every day walks around the house with a sunked top lip because he has taken out his teeth!
    The days when I could wistfully stand outside my back door and appreciate the big blossoing pink tree in the garden without worrying that when I return from work tomorrow I shall find it “pruned” back to a 30cm stalk by an over zealous husband with a desire to cut things with his new saw!
    Bring on the days when indeed I could spend half an hour on the loo and not once be interrupted! Or even take a 20 second pee without being asked to unscrew the marmite cap from the jar!
    Rock on singledome! Let’s swap!!!!
    Love you
    xxx

    • LOL ducks. some nice perspective there. I think it is human nature to long for what is not 😉 Or to to complain about what IS…

  3. I still don’t want kids. I think it’s a scam. Everyone tries to trick you into it by saying what an amzing blessing they are and it’s the most amazing thing that ever happened to them. Robert and I say they set their goals too low .

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